Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You took a bar mat shot.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
