i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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