D3 body, D1 cock
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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