Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize