this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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