So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
