I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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