I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
