I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
