she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I looked at my own cervix.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
