His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
