HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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