It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
