I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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