Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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