I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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