wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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