Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
