i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
