You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
