things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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