We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
