were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
