talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
