If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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