so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
