Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
