Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
