just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
