meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
