WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
