either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
