I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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