Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
