Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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