chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
