Soap is not a condiment
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
