If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize