I'm so fucking centered right now
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just pee around me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
