im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
