New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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