Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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