i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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