My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
