I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
