it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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