i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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