I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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