Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
