I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
