eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
two words...techno handjob
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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