Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
