I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
