Porn is love you can see.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
