using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
