At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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