based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize