Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
