Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
