my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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