So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
