You just made me feel so damn special
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
