i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
