Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
