I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
