I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
