Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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