Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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