Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize