We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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