Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
