Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
