a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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