The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
