This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
