Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
