Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
