remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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