So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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