somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
