I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
