i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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