Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
