possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
