Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm always down for nudity.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
