I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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