This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
