The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
