my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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