Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
