The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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