so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
