it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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