I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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